Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
