remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
