We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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