we're blogging at a bar
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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