Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
