I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
