not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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