We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
