I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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