no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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