real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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