You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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