since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
