God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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