I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
