I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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