Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
