Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
