Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
