Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
