I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
