I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
