I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
