did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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