I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
