And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
