Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
do herpes really smell.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
