508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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