dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
