After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
