this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
did you just send me my own nude
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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