guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
