As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
