I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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