I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
