I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
