I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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