Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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