I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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