I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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