Betty ford says i'm here all night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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