He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
