I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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