This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize