my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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