...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
