I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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