You're my little dorito
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The power of my boobs compel you
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize