Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
