no. you can't hotbox the world.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
