11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
