i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
