after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
