Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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