glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
