There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
