just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
