if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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