Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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