i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
