Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
