Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
