Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
