Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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